The unnamed Guitar

I sit here at 11:23pm at night on a saturday that is on a very rare occasion that is my brothers birthday but in my own room and on my own computer after perhaps 4 cans of 8% bourbon that follows my level of alcoholism because i reach out for someone to hear my cry for help since everyone that i seek to hears my cry for company as for a cry for sex instead.

My cry right now is a cry for company for someone that cares instead of someone that just wants some poo-tang following a dump into the forbidden sea much like the people my feelings have gone towards with love and compassion but being torn up into the tiniest pieces you can possibly imagine and not care for.

A happy and not caring person gets all they get until it comes to something that they truly need that is nothing but someone to stand there and stare into their eyes and say nothing but -i am here for you and no one else-. This is all this person needs but everyone seems to say nothing but 'I am not here for you, you are nothing but a friend/disgusting boy for suggesting such a thing'. Putting this person into a state of dispare and self-disbelief, even after all that is done for others out of love. He can not do everything for everyone else and in return receive a simple message of hurtful words from those he trusts to speak the truth.

He looks at the blogs of those that have great meaning and love and thing of how much impact he has on those that mean so much to him but also have no great appreciation towards him and thinks that although the small blue hot waterbottle that still has great meaning to him on ice cold nights, all other small symbols have no meanings to other souls and that hope for the future is nothing but a great waste as no signs lead towards a brighter future other than the repeating message from those he admires "ew why are you flirting with ?me?... =D"

Although the night may be sliding away and the eyes of this individual may be blood shot towards you can not believe. My feelings for all those that are cared for, are still as high as my alcohol limit are at this present moment. They will and always be this high, and I can not say this more clearly since the situation is always confusing as it can be when those as those expresses the following "One does not want something serious JUST yet", "one does not like someone this low in he food chain", and the other already has a bf and does not like that is blogging but the others he knows".

What shall i do about this situation you say?
Atm... i think i shouldn't even be wrighting this blog as it may cause problems, on the otherhand... it may be time for a complete restart in life as this reincarnation is returning nothing but joy in day light but the night time brings nothing but a moonlight full of misery in nothing but a couple minutes.

This is why i look at my new guitar and wonder who I should name it after. Even if i name it after someone in particular, they will NOT understand its meaning even after naming my acoustic after Cathy. She will not understand how much she means to me... nor will the next girl will understand how much she means to me. That is why i will never admit my electrics name. In nothing but an image for those to guess.

All i can tell you is I love you, and you mean everything to me, Although no one knows who you are, I will never let this slip as I have torn people form their lives enough as it is, and I feel bad enough letting this action possess me without confirmation that my serious actions are worth the time and effort.

X I hope you know who you are X