I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free

(I'll have the quesadilla on the house)

I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I can't even go to my hometown without finding something that reminds me of you.

Nor can i do anything that enrages me of the one that i can no longer stand.


I need to move somewhere else...

Out with the old in with the new.

It's time i started sparking my life up. instead of being so set on goals and being a good boy, im changing heaps and am going to give myself a new identity almost and start having more fun.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010 1:59 AM

You were right this time.

I've officially given up trying and not gonna bother listening to you say you wanna set things right now.

You certainly know who your friends are when you do something completely unlike yourself and stupid.

January 1 2010

I'm gonna make this a year to remember..

I'm not drinking this year! 

hah, that worked out well...

Ipods...

"Since i can't sleep lets put some sounds on..."

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away...

"Argh... change songs..."

I’m lonely here tonight
Lost here in this moment
Time keeps slipping by
If I could have just one wish
I’d have you by my side

Oooohh I miss...

"oh ffs..."

I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception

"wtf? is my ipod against me or something?

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

"ARGGH! Last time!"

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented...Daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again... 
 

"ah.... much better..."

Bringing a new meaning to 'Fuck My Life'

I can't walk around without looking like a crab with my really sore legs.

My brain is under too much pressure to cope with the slightest thing going wrong
( like me tripping over as soon as i get to work)

Yelling at my flat mates telling them to shut the FUCK UP when they were in the lounge playing soccer at 11pm at night.

My emotions are uncontrollable

My feelings are unpredictable

Just lost my best friend and probably ONLY friend.

And I'm waiting for the abuse to start flooding my phone.

See the way i see

Hearing and seeing what people are like can be quite deceiving, it can cause you to get the wrong idea about someone even though you may think you know them well.

I wrote this to show what i see in people when i think about them and what i have done with them over the time i have known them.

Try not to take it too literally as descriptions of people are hard to write about on a keyboard but this is something i have wanted to blog about for quite some time.

These individuals were picked from the top of my head otherwise i could write for days on end.

Written in Alphabetical order.

Allanah
I thought leaving this one till last would make it easy but apparently it made it only that much harder to right as there's too much to write about without making the other blogs seem disfigured.

I have known her for a year, or 6 months really... but in those 6 months she was a very happy and social girl that had no interest in anything other than having fun and drinking alcohol which soon turned into something that quite a fair amount of people didn't like which is actually what someone else predicted.

Regardless of all the arguments, conversations being ignored, awkwardness meeting randomly in town after not talking for ages, huge discussions about what has happened all this time, trying to forget that she wasn't even CLOSE to even an msn buddy on the net..etc.. i can't bring myself to say 'No', because unlike some of the messages i have received, I haven't given up but I'm not going to make an effort to say 'Yes' because after all i haven't really done anything wrong.

Ashley
She is a very loyal, dedicated, sweet and lovely girl she is. Although she lives in a house smaller than most people that i know, it doesn't seem to get to her and in good and bad ways and always pushes towards something she wants to do or purchase where she stands on her own two feet like the little soldier that she is.

One of the most music addicted people that i know where she can tell the exact track and album name a say is without reading it on her ipod, she has some amazing talent and i have faith in this character that she could do VERY well in the music industry with a little push in the door .

Connor
Back when i first met Connor i didn't like him that much since he usually got most of the attention, but i have come to know him as a great guy that likes to have a good time him his mates and of course with his girlfriend of which i respect him a LOT for not letting her disability getting in the way of him liking her; i may not know what it is but that doesn't matter one bit.

Although he does tend to smoke weed and be probably one of the coolest people i know ( which isn't a bad thing ) it doesn't really bother me that much to know that the weed is illegal after hanging out with him one night at my 19'th drinks. It doesn't effect people that much with side effects just used as a... relaxer i think after hearing from a few other people about it and it's not like I'll avoid him for this.

He's a good man and people seem to get the wrong idea about it, but i got your back bro.

Eric
My fellow Australian mate, not that i have spoken to him that much over the year that i have known him threw his ex-girlfriend Allanah. He does have a very friendly and happy personality with a little bit of rage mixed in there.
In some ways i could see him being either an explorer or a DJ at every party in Australia bringing the party to life with his sound systems.

One of these days I'll probably go to Australia to catch Eric up with him and have a blast over there when things aren't so messed up and i can actually afford it haha

Jason
Seeing the world through someones eyes is one thing but seeing past all the emotions and built up grudges is something that takes a fair amount of time to ignore when it comes to seeing who someone really is.
Writing this in one of the most calm ways that i can, what i see in this boy is someone that likes to have mature fun with drinking, driving around and gaming with mates ( i think ).

I've probably only hung out with him 3 times in my whole life and probably had more arguments than compliments with him, but even after all that, i wouldn't claim him to be someone i would avoid while walking down the street.

Johann
Probably one of my oldest mates he is where we used to be best friends. i still haven't forgotten what primary school was like with red alert drawings on long pieces of paper which we both competed with Tesla coils and structures from command and conquer.

He seems to be a very butch and fun individual now which isn't something i thought he would ever be, but after 12 years or so, it's almost as if your meeting someone else that you never knew and reminding each other of stuff you always did together and having the biggest lol's about it.

One day I'll over there in Australia draining beer bottles with my good ol buddy and never forgetting that this guy is a fucken legend.

Krystal
One of the saddest girls that i know probably, the saddest but that doesn't make her one of the most pathetic or stupid. I may not know many people but i know for one thing that if she put in a bit more effort to seeing the good side of things she could become a very happy person.

I lived most of my life previously thinking that i was a very shy and pointless person to everything, but i soon learned after meeting someone to takes everything and see the funny side to it where it's either a small object or a large object with heaps of tenticals.

Nikki
I've been debating weather to call this high pitched person a girl or guy. The name may indicate a girl but the full name of Nikki could be either Nickolas if he/she is a guy or Nicolette if their a girl. Nikki claims to be a guy with a real hot chicks voice which does everything girly including baking, washing and all sorts.

-I'm not convinced-

Regardless of this little joke i still find Nikki to be one of the happiest people that i know. Yes even more than my big sister Trish as Nikki always posts stuff on facebook where he/she is a very funny person and is having the time of their life every day with their parent, friends and over family members which he/she has proved back in the day over the microphone which gave me the BIGGEST lols of my life.

yet another Legend to add to the list, we all love yah Nikki.

Page
Not sure why I'm written her in this, i don't know her that well but I'll try my best to write as much as i can even if this isn't read by anyone.

From what i know of her, she is quite a mature person that works the weirdest shifts I've ever heard of as well as going to school, socializing and baby sitting for people in her free time.

I may have only of hung out with this person maybe 3 times in my life, but all those times she was probably oen of the most mature people I've met that still goes to school and hangs out with quite a few immature people.

Still not quite sure why i put here in this blog but it's still another name to the list.

Felep
This guy is a bloody legend, back in the day when we first met i thought he was a bloody sick and disgusting guy talking about all the perverted and horrific things that he could think about; although my opinion has changed SLIGHTLY about him, he's still a SUPER weird guy but i have seen his nice sides when it came to private chats.

After all the weird talks about fleshlights and other adult toys and how many girls you have slept with ( including his sister ) i wouldn't consider him a freak of nature, but someone that loves to joke aroudn about just about anything to have a laugh, even if a few souls get scarred in the proccess.

Skillet - Awake and Alive

I'm at war with the world
And they try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I'm slipping from your arms

It's getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

I'm at war with the world
'Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what, I can't be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up in the dark

I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms, I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you

I'm awake, I'm alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it's my time
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life

(Here, right now)
Right here, right now
Stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I'm awake, and I'm alive

Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up
Waking up, waking up

Who ever is reading this, take a look at yourself now.

Look at your situation now where you are in life.

Don't worry about anyone your with atm, focus on YOURSELF as an INDIVIDUAL person.

Who your with, who and/or what you sacrificed.

What do you do different now to what you did last year.

The people you miss

The things you treasure closely

The fun and bad things you used to do

The regrets you have now of what you did
The good memories that cause you pain now

Let me ask yo this.

Are you REALLY happy where you are now?
Was it all worth it?

If you replied with yes, then do you think everyone you know or have known are happy for you?

If no, then what are YOU going to do about it?

His eyes red,
Bags under his eyes so heavy and dark.
Sweat pouring down him face.
Hair all and messy.

All he ever does is look at his phone and wait, wait for someone to get in contact with him.
His phone vibrates every once and a while hoping it's that particular person but no gold.
Thinking back to the times that past he realizes they are over and the present is now.
Looking to what he has now he realizes what he has now is great and what he wanted.
Although realizing how much they have changed he doesn't know if it's worth it anymore.
Idling over the delete button in his contacts list, he hesitates.
If he should do it, thats the end of the past.
Bring on the future but the past can burn.

Sometimes feels like he knows hardly anything and everyone else knows everything... thats either a bad thing or a good thing.

If everyone else knows everything then they technically don't know anything coz they could be either telling lies or only know what you ask. Otherwise if they don't know anything then they either don't want to say anything to not sound like a smart arse or actually know know what your on about.

Smell
To smell something in your dream, indicates your past experiences and feelings you associate with that particular smell. Your dream is trying to convey a feeling with a familiar smell or scent.

Everyone that even has spoken to me, knows that i am PROBABLY one of the nicest guys that you will ever know, even after the shit has hit the fan i am still capable of forgiveness.Those that have known me for a long period of time know my limits and what can really set me off but even after that i can i don't even be mean to that person in front of them or anything.

Honestly... the ONE person in my ENTIRE life... is friends with my partner, bff's with my old best friend and pretty much everyone is on their side... and i ABSOLUTLY HATE this person, everyone thinks I'm overreacting for it; but lets see someone make YOUR life ( the reader of this ) hell and see how you feel about them afterwards. No kidding I'd rather DUMP my life and start over just to get away from ANYTHING to do with you, EVEN your name stirs me up and make shit worse.

Today i started picturing the gang walking around Wellington Central laughing like crazy. That pretty much put a crimp on my day to go along with the head-ache that Ashley's sister gave me. I suppose after 5 months or so of living in wellington hasn't been long enough for me to forget everything.

Every time i go to think about hanging out with you, i always remember what your replies were from the other 10 times i asked and decide not to.

I have come to the conclusion that i actually have no real friends now besides some of the people at work and the one person that stuck with me through all my bull-shit of which I have known four months less than you. Even then i feel very distant from that person and can't talk to anyone else in person about anything. 

Thanks

A conversation came up the other day about you. Sometimes i wonder if you realize what has happened under the microscope; or maybe there's too much saliva on the magnifying glass for you to get a glimps of
what's sending S.O.S signals right before your eyes.

Albert Einstein - If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a MONSTER
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I've gotta lose control, he something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

My ideas when it comes to friends and relationships.

Asking someone out
If your going to ask your friend out, remember to take he idea of going out with them will void your current relationship with them since once you go out with someone, the relationship will NEVER be the same whether it ends in tears or fist fights.

Being asked out
If someone asks you out in a serious manner, take note of how you feel towards that person giving the offer. Remember it IS an offer and don't feel you HAVE to say yes as if you say 'yes' and it turns out that you just 'liked' the person instead of actually having real feelings for them it could turn out that they get their heart broken and time wasted. if you for any reason say 'No' to their offer, it can either be a good or bad thing, You could have avoided something you don't need to do.

Breaking up with someone
Take note of WHY you would do this, WHAT will happen afterwards, HOW you will feel afterwards and WHO you will turn to afterwards. Do you think it's worth the break up if you have no one to turn to? Or perhaps do you think it's the best choice for the BOTH of you instead of just yourself?

Being broken up with
If someone breaks up with you, it's a sign that they either don't want to be with you, OR don't want to be with you because they no longer want to keep hurting your feelings.
If they are your true love then they will come back to you.

clicks picture on allanahs page,
oh shit wtf is that?
oh right wtf did i do that??
lol jokes click back button
LOL haven't i seen this before?
oh right wtf...

Adorable, lovely, kind, thoughtful, beautiful, generous, intelligent, funny, awesome, nice, enchanting, sweet, addictive, attractive.

Wants to go to party's like Tuesday more often. Thats was so much damn fun.

Step1: Find something that entertains you every day without getting boring.

Step 2: Find something else that you absolutely love to do and drop Step 1.

Step 3: Drop Step 2 because of something you didn't like.

Step 4: Realize Step 1 is no longer around.

Step 5: Realize nothing entertains you anymore because step 1 was the only reason why step 2 existed.

Five Steps to realize what you have and appreciate the hard way.

Thank you for being so awesome.

Lady Antebellum - Need you Now

$6 to last me 3 days with food.

Toilet leaking onto flat mates front door step ( no not what goes IN the toilet ).

In need of new shoes

Everything mouldy

Washing machine not even turning on to wash clothes

In need of sleep but is almost a waste to go to bed earlier than 11pm


Yet this song seems to make focus on you and forget about everything else.

Lets make a plopper plost! says ashley

so ashley and james will blog about their new healthy life.

we are going to try and be healthy and save money so we feel better and have more money and we gonna do it together.

love from james and ashley.

we gonna keep you updated on the progress. ;DD

Ashley ashley s
ashley ashley ashley ashel\\d ashley ashley ashley ashley ashlaey  ashley ashley ashley ashley ashley ashley ashley :OY@RP)&TP@$#)TYQP#T)&P@#TYRWELGHASDKF LGLFGVSDEWFYQWPOFYEWPOFGYEWPOGY

What i did at my last job

Looking back at how i did in the kitchen, i realize how overworked i was and how much of a racist my boss was where i would work at my fastest speed doing about 3 different jobs of which have nothing to do with my position in the kitchen.

-----------

Entering work at 9:20am in the morning, i sit down at the table in the staff room and have a coffee to help wake me up and just relax while looking around the room at what needs to gets done before i start working; i realzie the (bémare) isn't turned on, theres a spill on the floor, the bins need emptying and the bread is all stale and needs replacing.

Once it hits 9:30, i put my cup away, i put my aprin on and go into the kitchen.Grabbing some towels and a broom to clean up with, i am greeted by a few of the chefs and have a good little chat before i make a quick little run away to the staffroom.
Turning on the (bémare) i wipe down all the benches, throw away the stale bread, make it all tidy and give the floor a sweep up while checking the salt, tomato sauce and napkin's on each of the tables so i know what i need to fill, sweeping the crumbs into the corner of the staff room i power walk off to the kitchen and put the broom back, grab a key from the front office and go into the staffroom and open up the coffee machine and make sure everything is full and continue cleaning.

It's 10:00am so i drop what I'm doing and go into the kitchen and ask one of the chefs what we are doing for the staff food and he says to come back later. Realizing how screwed i am if i don't get it done right now i tell him i need everything now or I'll be late for getting the food out and he just tells me to come back later. So i decide to do the salad for the staff room which is grabbing some plates and placing salad in them while cutting up ham, cucumber, tomato and anything else i may need to get ready AS soon as i can. Putting everything onto a trolley which i can push around the kitchen, grab a 12 litre bucket and fill it up with ice and take everything to the staffroom and put them out for people to help themselves.

Time passing as it's 10:30am with about 30 minutes to go until lunch needs to be ready for the staff in the staffroom to help themselves to, i go back to the chef and ask what we are doing and he tells me i need to cut up 3 different meats and cook them for 20 minutes in the oven. So i set up my little station with a red chopping board with a towel underneath it so stop it from moving around and grab the chefs knife and carefully cut up all the meat and place them into 3 different trays. While trying to do a decent job i have one of the chefs asking me to clean things and having one of the other kitchen hands nagging me about how long i take and how fast he can do it right next to me in my face.

"Yoo tack too long to do et, gor fars-tar!"

"I carn do et in 20 minute!, just gor farse nor one care!"

Translated

"You take too long to do it, go faster!"

"I can do it in 20 minute!, just go fast no one cares!"

The clock hitting 11:00am and i have everything in the ovens cooking finally and my boss asking me where the food is, i tell him i just put it in the oven and won't be long until it's in the staff room. Not liking this idea he tells me that i take too long and need to be more organized which puts me in a state of defending myself and saying that i have everyone nagging me and the chef wouldn't give me anything to do so i did the salad first.

A whole 30 minutes later at 11:30am everything is in the staffroom and staying warm in the (bémare), i take a look around the staffroom and make sure everything is in the right place such as chairs stacked in the corner, tables wiped down all tidy, there's enough knives and forks, enough paper towels in the dispenser and just anything else that doesn't look right.

Turning the clock 12:00pm hits the clock and i can just do general cleaning around the kitchen if my boss lets me go down to the Sojourn restaurant to do dishes there away from everyone else since it's just  one person in the kitchen cooking for that little dining area so it's pretty cruisey and no stress ( i also ACTUALLY get along with people that work there ). If i don't get to go down to Sojourn, i have to stay behind and clean pots which usually consists of putting on pink gloves and scrubbing burnt cookery which steam usually turns my eyeballs to mush and my shoes to something that could set dung on fire. Also i would have to clean baking trays, then mop the buffet which all takes quite a bit of energy to do.

Finally it's 1:30pm and i can have my first break of the day which is a 10 minute break where i sit down in the staffroom and eat the food that i cooked for the staff and help myself to the drink dispenser along with my boss and talk about things to do with my position or just have little jokes and things to keep things from getting awkward as well as txting the only real person i want to be with at the time and keeps me being sane.

One of the most exciting times of the day is 2:00pm which is when my boss goes home, and i can slow down and clean away the staff food as well as the staffroom yet again so it's never really dirty and people can relax in the staffroom. Also if we are busy i can go help the people working at the dishwasher as i know from experience that it's a really stressful job when it gets busy busy.

Slugging at 3:00pm i end up going back down to Sojourn and do more dishes there and have a little chat with the chef there to just chill out for an hour.

Hitting 4:00pm i can finally go for my lunch break which usually consists of Peanut Butter + Jam toast and a glass of coca-cola while txting in the corner of the staffroom like the loner i am until my break is over.

Getting through the day at 4:30pm, all i do for the next 2 hours or so is cleaning the staffroom and doing the few little things around the kitchen that the chefs need a hand with or just deep clean the staffroom which isn't worth blogging about.

Signing my roster sheet at 6:30pm which is when it start getting busy for the night shift staff i quickly run out of the kitchen before anyone can say anything, i get changed and run down the stairs on the terrace and am home free and look forward to yet another day with the only person that hasn't let me down since i met them.

---------

Thank GOD i got out of that atmosphere in the morning.

I don't know what words to use since there is nothing i can say which will have the exact meaning of which i actually feel. Which is why i feel the need to smother you with kisses to either make you start giggling or make you love me even more.

♥ ♥ ♥

HEEEY! Wanna hang out next week some time!?

SURE! how about Saturday?

Sounds good, See you then!

Cheer!!

----

Would you like to hang out Saturday?

SO sorry but got plans!, but we can hang out Sunday?

OKAY! Looking forward to seeing you!

Me too!!

----

*Saturday*

----

Hey you still keen to hang out today?

Sorry I ( #%@6^^ ) !!!

(Oh yup) Next time then !

Yeah sounds good!

----

Would you still like to hang out today?

Okay!

W000!

My blog needs more colour!!!!!!

 
Your out of tune singing to your favourite songs.

That weird thing you do when it's cold and you breath deeply with a straight back.

When you tie your hair up and look at me with that naughty smile.

The way you all of a sudden go from super tired to utterly insane energetic.

Saying it's chilly as a hint for me to hug you so you can warm up.

Keeping a conversation going although we both need to go to sleep.

Weird obsession with mince and cheese pies

Eating Cutting Cucumbers for dinner.

Wanting to make dinner with me instead of buying it.


All qualities of which i love about you.

My room is a mess but i cbf cleaning it up... harr harr no mum here to tell me to do it!

Everyone seems to be in a hurry to grow up, why is it that everyone wishes they were in my shoes wanting to lvie by themselves being away from parents, responsibilities and things that generally stop them having 'fun' with friends and that.

Living by yourself, away from parents that buy all the food for you and do all the washing and folding and everything like that. It's much harder work and you can be considered more of a slob ( like myself ).

Although the above may be true about me, i wouldn't go back to living with my parents unless i HAD to fall back to make a new start when things get too crowded.

Living by myself can be utterly difficult at times when money is a REAL issue, things start breaking and i have to live off the basic food like toast and noodles. Having no one to just go hug within arms length when things get utterly terrible and of course living in the dead heart of wellington where cars and trucks hoon past my house as my neighbor calls their cat next to my window in the morning after a REAL struggle at work... not being able to take a shit in the bathroom in the morning coz both my flat mates need to shower at that very moment and not being able to wash my clothes coz the others decide to do 3 loads of washing over a week instead of on the day. They are possibly the worst things that can happen to me while flatting, but i try not to focus on them.

I'm not focusing on the bad things, I'm loving the idea of begin by myself and being able to just cruise around with no one in my ear nagging me about something like dishes where i never do anything in the kitchen in the first place.

Best idea about flatting is i can hang out with anyone when i like, stay as long as i like and people can just turn up here whenever they like just to chill, hang out or just chat really.

I can't wait to see what getting an apartment will be like!

Everyone seems to have something to blog about, yet i seem to find something to blog about every week or 2 =/.

I can't help but think when it comes to things like when people all of a sudden jump into a situation and point fingers, abuse, threats, aggravation and think their all loyal to someone where really their being selfish and dishonest without realizing it.

 

I also realized how much of a bitch i was myself.

You two are SO cute. I just wanna give you two 1 giant JAMES hug!

it's so sweet how you two have been together for 2 or 3 or 4 months and take care of each other so well.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU TWO!

I miss those times where all i did was dishes at home, took the train to upper hut and party all day with my bro's  then head back to cunterton carterton where it's sunny, all flat lands and there aren't heaps of people everywhere; also ESPECIALLY having people over to stay the night gossiping and watching movies in the lounge.

I'm so sorry for what i did after all we have been through, i just thought i would let you know that i appreciate EVERYTHING that you have done for me, i will never forget you and will cherish what we have done together.

I deserve anything you do to me as you weren't expecting this, i will not get over doing it for the longest time and WILL regret it as you were brilliant!, but it's time to move on sadly.

Just so you know i have NEVER cheated on you, not ONCE and had NO intentions to as you deserved to not have something like that happen to you.

You are a great girl and i would rather keep you as my friend than as my enemy or not be able to talk to you at all.

I will be forever sorry but i do not regret the time we spent together and the fun we had.

I hope you will be okay :'(

An Interest in the most stupidest things.
Awesomeness.
Insane state that no one can stand but can't live without.
Ability to not be still while laughing.

Hanging out in Upper Hut and wellington finding the most stupidest things to entertain us until the trip home.

These used to all be attached to someone but i haven't noticed them in the longest time.

I still don't know what to say about seeing a cigarette in your hands or having one pushed into my mouth forcefully.

It makes me feel so dirty...

*toasts bread, applies butter and peanut butter*
OMG TOAST! NOM NOM NOM!, i wonder what would happen if i put it in the microwave... 
*microwaves toast* 
"OMG IT'S EVEN BETTER!"

I may have done some stupid things in the past.


I may have said some stupid things without thinking about them.


I may have expressed something in the wrong way.


I may seem like a different person to what i once was.


I may be someone you sometimes do not like.


I may give the wrong feeling towards you just by the sight of my name.




I thought Kayla wasn't around anymore.

I'm finding it almost impossible to not ask you.

You came up in a conversation a few times today. It didn't exactly make me very happy realizing it's been weeks since our last conversation.

Adam Lambert - If i had you

So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather
And I'm doing me up with a black color liner
And I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter
All we need in this world is some love
There's a thin line 'tween the dark side and the light side baby tonight
It's a struggle gotta rumble trying to find it

But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need
Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
Yeah, if I had you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
If I had you

From New York to LA getting high rock n' rollin
Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning
Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maseratis
What they need in this world is some love
There's a thin line tween a wild time and a flat line baby tonight
It's a struggle, gotta rumble tryin' to find it

But if I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need
Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
Yeah, if I had you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
If I had

The flashing of the lights
It might feel so good
But I've got you stuck on my mind, yeah!
The fashion and the stage
It might get me high
But it don't mean a thing tonight

That would be the only thing I'd ever need
Yeah, if I had you, the money fame and fortune never could compete
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy
Yeah, if I had you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
If I had you

That would be the only thing I'd ever need
Yeah, if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete (never could compete with you)
If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy (it'd be ecstasy with you)
Yeah, if I had you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
You-y-y-y-y-you
If I had you, you, you

All i can do is let life fly by and hope that the future has more in store.

Birthday

W00 I've never been so popular in my LIFE.had HEAPS of pop-ups on facebook, heaps of txts from people that i hardly ever talk to all saying happy birthday which kept the day interesting, and i was able to play a game i have been waiting for for ages. Then met up with ashley and had a terrific time makign dinner and mucking around in wellington!

Thanks to everyone that made it awesome! xx

Swings

Had a dream about swings the other day. *sigh*

Can't handle this anymore and frankly finds saving some old things a waste of time as savoring each moment and not worry about it's own downsides without dumping them and not caring is not worth the tears anymore.

Reading blogs upsets me.

Thank you Ashley for sticking by my side through these tough times. You really are my best friend and girl friend!

Love you heaps!
♥♥♥

People i owe a long term thanks to

People i owe a long term thanks to going down the timeline in alphabetic order.

Alisha
Caitlin
Dad
John
Leanne
Mum
Trish
William

Joel
Johann
Jonna
Josh

Claudia
Kevan
Naomi

Erica
Bevan
Jason

Cody
James
Sang

Nighthawk
Scotty

PulsateX
Trauma
nWo

Cathy

Amanda
Dallace
Dylan
Kera

Declan
Josh
Joure
Michael

Gordon
Noel
Sadeer
Sean

Alisha
Bunny
Chris
Kylie
Richard
Rory

Allanah
Ashley
Danielle
David
Eric
Felep
Jason
Krystal
Marc
Nikki
Rebecca

Deepak
Manish
Matere
Riot
Tasi

Those who know me well will know what this means

Ladyhawk - Magic

You came to my show
And I saw you in the crowd
I didn't know your name
I didn't know your name

I asked all my friends who you were
And your story
They told me the same
They told me the same

I left my heart to you but it's not fair
'Cause you're taking me for granted baby
I made a stone with you but it's not fair
'Cause you're over me and land it baby

One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic

You stayed at my head
While I saw you all the time
I didn't think you care
I didn't think you care

I fought you all day
With a mouth full of attitude
You stole my away
You stole my away

I left my heart to you but it's not fair
'Cause you're taking me for granted baby
I made a stone with you but it's not fair
'Cause you're over me and land it baby

One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic

'Cause you're over me and land it baby
'Cause you're taking me for granted baby
'Cause you're over me and land it baby

One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic

One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic
One journey for you but it's worth it
One life and with me and it's magic

Close

i love ashley hahahaaa

Rammstein - Ohne dich

Ich werde in die Tannen gehen
Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen
Doch der Abend wirft ein Tuch aufs Land
und auf die Wege hinterm Waldesrand
Und der Wald er steht so schwarz und leer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht

Auf den Ästen in den Gräben
ist es nun still und ohne Leben
Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht ohne dich

Ashley

She is the one i always hang out with without worrying about anything.

She is the one i laugh and joke with about silly things

She is the one i talk shit with just because we can

She is the one i can't stop thinking about

She is the one i always want to be with

She is the one i wish i could hold forever

She is the one i kiss

She is the one i can't be without

Ashley Johnstone, i love you too much to decsribe in words!

♥

Dominance

Today i showed the first signs of me being dominant when it comes to people not doing their job properly at work by forcing this guy to rewash something OVER and OVER again until it was cleaned properly.

I've never done anything like this and I'm pretty sure it's going to come in handy in the future as when it comes to EVERYONE bitching about one person, i need to step in and push them until they get it done EVEN if they hate me afterward because NO ONE gives a shit.

BOOM!!

.

All of a sudden my bed seems so hard.
It was just made with clean sheets.

My computer seems to blind me.
I'm lacking of sleep.

This flat seems to be so cold.
I don't have a heater.

Blankets seem too thin.
Mink blanket ftw

Food seems stale.
Marshmallow overdose ftl.

Water seems polluted.
I should stop drinking recycled water.

Work seems too tough.
My boss expects too much.

Everyone seems to be against me. ( at work )
They suck at their job.

No one seems to be within reach of a hug.
I live by myself and work ridiculous hours.

It seem that i am alone.
I have great friends and a lovely girlfriend.

I seem to be breaking.
Getting love sick and need some real time to chill and have a good time.

It seems.... that i just broke...
I have a life most would consider... sweet.

Memories

When was the last time we hung out just for the hell of it and be bored?

When was the last time we got together and had the funnest day of the month doing stupid shit?

When was the last time we sat on the train camera whoring every moment of the day just because we can?

When was the last time we did free hugs and ended up hugging random strangers that just needed it?

When was the last time we just rofl'ed so hard our faces were about to fall off?

I can't remember.
Life is so cruel...

Allanah... What happened to the gang?

Holding the tongue

Honesty, Trust, Worship and Love.

Talking to people is as easy as anything, trusting them very easy when you know then well enough.

I have been honest to everyone i meet, not once and i lied to someone to make myself cool or to protect someone or them depending on who they are.

I trust people to hold my words to themselves and not move them to someone elses ears as i do to them unless it's life alternating.

Be honest to me, and I'll be honest to you as i always have been.

My trust to you will not last forever if the honesty is broken.

I will find out one way or another, so tell me first up, i can keep secrets.

( Not directed at anyone )

How much fucken worse can it get

Staff here are paid more than they should get

fucken useless cunts need a little more discipline

to spike up their performance when it gets busy

or i'll go crazy and do something i regret

to make them not forget

how fucked up this place is yet

and soon will get worse

and the boss is not worried

about the work place being a terrible place.

So wake up world, wake up and take a fucken harden up pill

because you are not the only one that gets fucked over

when it's busy and you end up slacking off.

T . T

Boom

Some of the time i wish i could dance like a fucken rockstar.

Epic

Had the best 3 days in ages with my friends and my lovely girl friend.

Thank you such much for existing and being a part of my life, i love you so much and i'm so happy you had a great night let alone the fact of lack of sleep we all got and non-stop playing of guitar hero.

I'm so glad we were all there to celebrate your 16'th birthday with you and make it a special day for you.

♥ Love you Heaps and Heaps ♥

xoxoxoxoxo

1 day sale email.

Your product has been painstakingly removed from our
shelves, the dust wiped free,and carefully placed
inside it's packaging.  It has gone through a
number of checksand all with contamination free
sterilised gloves.

A hush echoed through the 100 staff as the final tape
locked down the packaging. We all linked arms and
swayed in time (except for Luke who was swinging his
hips in the opposite direction to everyone else) and
sung the 1-day version of 'I'm leaving…. On a jet
plane'.  Real tears were shed by some of us, who are
still coming to terms with the fact the product has
left the building for good.

If the suspense is too much you can also track your
order's location in transit using the following
details to view the package status:

Lollies

OMG HEAPS AND HEAPS OF LOLLIES!

*Takes pictures in case no one believes me*

Om nom nom nom

oooo... my stomach.....

heaps and heaps of lollies!

om nom nom

gaaah....

why did i do this to myself?

maybe just a little bit more

om nom

aaaargh....

Youtube blogging

Wonders if doing a blog update on youtube would be interesting...

So Cold

Crossfade - Cold lyrics

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
♥ You are the antidote that gets me by ♥
♥ Something strong ♥
♥ Like a drug that gets me high ♥

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
never meant to be so cold to you

I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were are the antidote that gets me by
♥ Something strong like a drug that got me high ♥

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
never meant to be so cold

I knew it wouldn't be easy,

I knew you would know eventually one way or another,

I knew i would want to be with you always but can't,

I knew i loved you from the second i saw your name on the computer,

I knew you loved me from the first time we spent the day at the beach,

I knew we would get a long very well from the beginning,

But i never thought it would be this hard to be so close yet so far from you.

It is not a lie.

Every time i say your name and say i love you .
It is not a lie.

When ever i tell you how much i need you.
It is not a lie.

When i mention how beautiful you are.
It is not a lie.

If i say you look adorable.
It is not a lie.

Complimenting your smell.
It is not a lie.

Hugging you like i never want to let go.
It is not a lie.

Kissing you like i really do love you.
It is not a lie.

Saying that i miss you.
It is not a lie.

Wanting to be with you every second of every day.
It is not a lie.

The five senses

Smell of your enchanting hair relaxes me.

Hearing your loving voice puts a song in my heart.

Touching of your tender hands brightens my day.

Seeing your beautiful eyes puts a smile on my face.

Taste of your sweet lips reminds me of how much you love me.

Take me away

Take me away, away to a place that has no worries, pressure, boundaries and no other people.

So i can rest without any cares in the world and spend the rest of my time with you and not worry about unnecessary things and sleep knowing i can see you once again.

My soul is falling, falling deep into your love and there's no stopping it. I can not deny it that the distance between us strengthens my passion for you.

Nose

All this time of not knowing of why i have such teary eyes,
Thus i dispize not knowing why no one told me before,
That the nose can take bateria all the way up to the brain,
Of which can play with the eyes and make them more sensitive,
and crying is it's way of fighting back the bacteria.

DAMN YOU NOSE FOR BEING SO FULL OF BOOGERY GOODNESS!

Pick and flick is no more.

Living on the rough side

As terrible as it may seem, I'm loving the idea of living where I'm not counting on anyone or anything. Surely i have no longer have the excuse of being late to work because "the bus is late" but at least now it means I'm able to meet up with people in welly for lunch, buy what ever i want ( literally ) and there's no worries for anything.

The only downsides are i can't be with Ashley as much which is whats holding me back ( I love you! ) and i have to buy everything that costs a lot of money. So I'm pretty screwed if i have no money or food but like hell I'm gonna blow all my money on toilet seats and use them as decorations.

Packing

Packing up all the things in my small claustrophobic room has me finding the odd few things that bring back memories of being here. It's sad that I'm leaving but it's one step towards my goal.

Late night

Sweet dripping, Muscles Tensing, Dishes Piling, Mind side-tracking, Speed slowing. All i can do while working late at night is think of you and wonder if you're thinking of me too.

Waiting for the flow to slow, to have a break and send you a small txt to see what you're up to and to see how you are without me.

1am at night time and I'm blogging on the net doing what I've been doing for the past 9 hours and listening to music which reminds me of you and wishing you were here with me.

Peter Piper Picked a Pepepeppe....

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pikled Pepp......
Peter Piper Picked a Pe......
Peter p.......

I have not Laughed so much from hearing an Indian trying to say this as fast as he can.

I would of died if he didn't stop xD

Flatulence

Exploding, Combustion, Exiting, Traveling, Hovering, Smelling, Cringing, Eyes Watering, Falling, Dying, Rofling....

"It's a bit woofy in here" Comments on of the staff

Worse case I've EVER had where the combination of loud and smelly farts only happens during work and finishes before i finish.

What a day to remember...

SQUEEK!

Tiny ears flickering, body shivering, curled up into a ball and almost dying.

I saved a mouse from a ferocious feline!
I'm so happy with myself!

Ashley

I met her on msn in a group chat with two of my mates while I started off trying not to get too involved as hard as i could, it did not work as i could not but help but talk to her as much as i could.

Getting more and more interested as i went along, the thought of Ashley rushing through my mind day by day made it harder to just be friends.

First meeting in person made it hard not to talk to you let alone hug you with your backwards walking and shyness. Having the time of my life knowing you are there finally and doing what i can to impress you did not do anything.

Relationship growing and conversations expanding, interested and unable to control myself. wanting to meet up with you but knowing you're hours away from my arms makes it harder to commit.

Months have passed since i met her and now she's mine to love and hold. As happy as can be knowing that she is there when i need her ,which makes me love her even more.

Holding me tightly with her arms around my neck and lips on mine letting me know all this time she loved me back without me knowing and reminding me every day that she wants to be with me.

It's been known for a long time that I've loved her since the beginning and still am going strong. Thank you for giving me someone to love, hold, and doing the same for me.

I love you Ashley!

David

I met him with Eric at the airport of which the three of us had never met in person before. Awkward at first but then jumped into a party and gave each other shit and talked shit for ages.

Such a freak of nature with his weird sense of humor and posture. Stole my old haircut and gave me some bad habbits.

Haven't done much with him as mates, but have had the odd few good lols with him and as well as disagreements; but I wouldn't wanna be without with douche.

Stick around dude. We need you to remind us we are all sane!

Allanah Boi

Who could ever though that meeting someone at a bus stop on a cold night with a simple conversation and sharing of chocolate could take me this far?

Without Allanah, i wouldn't of done what i have done thus far.

Rofl'ing to Sunscreen, shouting out EDWARD CULLIN and having late night gossips till 6am in the morning; how much better can it get with'ist the Slippery Pole stays moist?

She don't owe me anything, i owe her so much as i have gone so far and wouldn't of done it without her insanely crazy ways and support.

Who ever knew that the most simplest things can turn into the funniest things ever?

What can i say. She is my Best Friend and I can't see that changing any time soon.
Cheers Bro for excisting!

Love

Thank you for existing, thank you for being here, but most of all... thank you for loving me just as i love you back!.