Positive Reinforcement

Lately i have come to realize that i do blog a lot, not that i expect a lot of people to read them, comment and talk about them to me later on, but i use these blogs as like a diary of my past and to get a lot off my chest as most people would know I'm not one to speak my mind in front of people.

One of the things i really want to say at this present time is probably to give my deepest apologies to two people of which i have done some stupid things to without realizing until the very last split millisecond as well as dragging people down with me. As i would tell these people these things directly but after cutting off all contact to prevent further... destruction happening, a blog in hope of it reaching these people but with none to change anything as it's been way too long for forgiveness and forgetfulness (epic new word) to be along the lines of anything even when i am about to speak all the truth no matter what the consequences may be.

I do realize that after saying a million times to my ex girlfriend and to many of my friends that i would not speak of these two to protect us both from dramas, misunderstandings and everything else that could go wrong, but this has to be said because it is bursting inside me and there is no way to actually tell these things at the time of me thinking of them.

Person #1.
After all the things we have been through I'm really really shocked at myself after the things i have done and said where you have been nothing but a good mate. Ever since the second time your ex arrived, i have felt nothing but envy, anger, loneliness and of course a few others. These of which i thought originally were because i thought i were loosing you as my friend even through all the rofl's and stupidity that we were getting up to.
Around a month ago i realized what these emotions were actually connected from which is what i have been told several times over and over and over again but denied it every time let alone my deepest feeling that it was true where i was filled with jealousy, not only with your ex but with Person two


Person #2.
After hanging out with you for the first time where we went to pak'n save in upper hutt and so on, i had the strangest feeling about you, and even after Danielle asking me for my seal of approval that night, i didn't quite know what to say to her other than yes after seeing how person one was around you. I am believe it or not glad that i said yes ( not that it would have made a difference really )  as you two are still pushing along even after the things you have been through, I am very proud of you and of course a simple sorry would not suffice to the terrible mess i coursed you two unintentionally.
A while back, i was seriously considering stepping onto your territory and get whats coming to me, which of course could have been a couple black eyes, broken ribs, bones, casts and pretty much anything else that would have been satisfying to do to me which is what i do deserve in a lot of ways, of course i am no longer that brave or depressed anymore but i still expect the same thing now even after no contact for quite some time.